Stress is your biggest enemy during the critical period when transitioning from a pregnant couple to a family of three. It really is the obstacle to beat as you adapt to the new dynamic and the new requirements of your baby. If left unchecked, it is going to drain your energy, create tension, and turn an experience that could be enjoyable, with all its difficulties, into a very harrowing time.

Stressors can take many forms. Anyone that has been around this world can testify to that. But I want to discuss one particularly important to consider in those days just after birth - lack of sleep.

Unfortunately, insomnia is something I’ve dealt with my entire adult life. It does not happen to me every day, but it is relatively common for me to have nights where I do not get a whole night's sleep, either because I am unable to fall asleep or because I wake up during the night and cannot fall asleep again. I would have never expected that this could have a silver lining. But it did, as it turned out that during those first months after the birth of my daughter, my previous experience with insomnia proved very useful in keeping the stress resulting from it low.

The first thing to keep in mind is that insomnia and sleep deprivation are both forms of lack of sleep but are not the same. Insomnia, which is what I’ve been dealing with before having a baby, is when you want to sleep, and external conditions allow for it, but you are still unable to do so. For example, when you are lying in bed for hours. Sleep deprivation, on the other hand, is when you would otherwise be able to go to sleep, but external factors prevent you from doing so. For example, a college student during finals week.

If you are like me, then the arrival of a newborn baby, through sleep deprivation, can make your insomnia worse. But if insomnia is not something you usually suffer from, then the problem will most likely just be sleep deprivation. Even with the subtle difference, in the end, both insomnia and sleep deprivation have the same result, which is not getting enough sleep. Hopefully, what I’ve learned throughout the years with insomnia will help you deal better with the sleep deprivation that any average newborn brings with it to the world.

The three pieces of wisdom I am going to give you are:

• KEEP CALM;
• Plan your rest; and
• Come up with a ‘push button in case of emergency’ plan.

Keeping calm is fundamental. Not being able to sleep when you really want to (sleep deprivation) or not being able to sleep even when you could be sleeping and especially when you need to (insomnia) is and will always be, regardless of what is causing it, very stressful. Know that from the get-go and start internalizing it. It will be hard, you will feel miserable, and it is a short step away from full-on despair.

Keeping the stress low at that moment that you are really missing sleep is very important because if you are not sleeping because you are directly taking care of your newborn, you will pass on to her the stress, and she will react to that by stressing herself more. It can create a vicious cycle that will bring less sleep for everyone because a stressed baby is a baby that will not rest and will take very long to fall into a routine.

My wife and I were very lucky because we had many people visiting and wanting to spend time with our newborn baby. That meant that we had a lot of help during the day, but it also had another positive, unexpected consequence. The only time for the first few weeks that I could be alone with my daughter, just her and me, was during those nights’ wee hours. It might seem crazy but the fact that it was our bonding time made it quite enjoyable. Of course, I was tired, so I wouldn’t say I was looking forward to those sleepless hours, but once I was there, it was, in its own unique way, a pleasure.

The above also helps to illustrate that keeping calm is not only about controlling those stress-related feelings and not letting them feed into themselves until they are out of control. It is also about spinning the situation around and trying to make it somehow positive. I was lucky that the positive spin I gave to those sleepless hours was given to me instead of needing to find it myself, but it is a matter of being creative. You could re-watch your favorite movie or series, listen to the audiobook form of your favorite book, or pray. It’s a matter of trying and finding out what works. Remember that your baby probably needs comforting, which will require attention from you, so it has to be something that allows you to do both simultaneously or at least in quick succession.

The next piece of advice is to plan your rest. Both before the baby comes, as a general strategy, and also from day to day. A lot depends on the specific circumstances, but if you are bottle-feeding your baby, you could divide the night into two six-hour shifts, and you and your wife could each take one. That ensures that even if you sleep less than what you usually sleep, you will still be getting considerable continuous rest. Another example could be that you have a family visit the coming day after a sleepless night, and you can decide to stay in instead of entertaining so you have a couple of hours of sleep. Planning your rest will also allow you to visualize your next resting time, which will also help you keep calm.

My last advice is to have a plan B, which you can put in motion in case you and your wife feel things are getting out of hand. Setting aside some cash to hire a nanny for a couple of nights a week to ensure both of you get a whole night's sleep occasionally. It could also be asking a grandmother to stay with you for a couple of weeks. Whatever works for you that will get you the necessary rest. By planning ahead, you will also get the sense of security that having somewhere to fall on gives you, which might help you endure a little bit longer.

The above are just three things you can do to prepare for those sleepless hours with a newborn. Ultimately, what's important is providing your newborn with the ease, calmness, and security they need to feel safe and start developing a routine. Sleep deprivation can really get in the way of that, so make sure you are prepared to face it.