The time after a baby is born is very hard for first-time parents. Before the baby comes, they can research, attend courses, buy all the recommended things to have at home for a newborn, seek their friends and family’s advice, hire doulas… However, nothing will ever fully prepare them for the transition from expecting parents to first-time parents that they go through those days and weeks after the birth of their first child.

It is understandable, as so many things are going on at the same time. Both mom and dad are sleep-deprived and need to learn a lot of things by actually doing them. For example, they must learn how to feed, dress, and clean the baby. This might seem simple enough at first glance, but it is a whole universe in itself. It takes time, lots of trials and errors, and patience.

Between all that stress, nervousness, excitement, tiredness, and happiness of those first weeks, first-time parents must also deal with visits to their newborn baby. A baby is a source of happiness and joy, and parents will most likely have friends and family who want to share in that happiness and joy by meeting the baby as soon as they can. But how should first-time parents handle visitors? What is the standard when visiting a baby? Is it safe for the baby? Answers to those questions and more are below.

When is it safe for friends and family to meet a newborn?

As with many other things related to babies, there is not a clear-cut moment after which visiting a newborn stops carrying some degree of risk. The way to see it is that newborns are very strong and resilient up until a point, after which they become fragile and vulnerable. They are strong and resilient because they can successfully transition from the womb to the outside world, but they are fragile and vulnerable if, during that transition, their bodies are subject to too much strain.

An example that illustrates what it would be like for a newborn to be under too much strain is the possibility of the baby getting sick. A newborn can handle growing stronger day after day, but they will most likely not be able to handle on their own without medical assistance, for instance, certain viruses. It is a fact that the more a baby is in contact with different people, the more likely it is that they will be exposed to pathogens such as viruses. Visits carry mainly that risk - exposing the newborn baby to pathogens.

Considering the above, some doctors recommend that the baby does not regularly see people different from their immediate family (parents and siblings) before they turn three months old. This might be a too restrictive approach for some parents, which is understandable. Whenever this is the case, it is important to keep an open communication channel with the baby’s pediatrician so parents can strike the best balance between the need to socialize with their baby and preserving the baby’s health.

What is the ideal time for visitors to meet a newborn?

• Grandparents: The ideal time for grandparents to meet their grandchildren is in the hospital. For grandparents, it is a very emotional time, as they are seeing their own children have children. They will also most likely be part of the direct support system that will help parents in the transition after the birth, so their presence in the hospital will most likely feel natural.
• Aunts and uncles: The ideal time for the baby's aunts and uncles to meet the newest family member is also in the hospital. Parents will most surely like to share the happiness and joy of the moment with their own siblings as soon as possible.
• Extended family and friends: The ideal time for family and friends to meet the baby entirely depends on what the new parents want to do. Considering the limited visiting hours, the maximum number of persons that can visit a room simultaneously, and how tiring those first days are, it will most likely be best if extended family and friends meet the baby once the new family has returned and settled at home.

Which rules should be set for newborn visits?

How to handle family and friend visits after a child is completely up to the new parents to decide. Below are some recommendations on how to structure those visits, considering the health risks to the baby and how new parents tend to feel during the first weeks after the birth. 

Rules for visiting newborns at the hospital

1. Designate someone to coordinate with visitors

New parents will be juggling lots of new things after the birth of their first child and will most likely appreciate it if they do not have to, at the same time everything is happening, answer calls or texts from family and friends. A close relative of the parents that is well versed on how they want to handle visits will be of considerable help if they coordinate the visits so that parents only have to invest the time of the actual visit and not the back and forth that might happen before.

2. Make a list of the people that will visit you in the hospital

Receiving visitors in the hospital has its own advantages, but it is also a time when parents are most tired and nervous, so they might not want to see anyone during those days. A good exercise is to list possible visitors in batches of five, with the first five being the ones with the highest priority and so on. 

If the birth goes smoothly and the new parents feel like seeing whoever wants to come, the person designated to coordinate the visits only has to coordinate when each visitor will arrive. If, on the other hand, the parents feel like they want to rest and not see many people, they can let the person coordinating the visits know that they will only entertain people from the first and second groups, for example, and to let the rest know that they will let them know when they are ready to start receiving visits at home.

3. Know and use the hospital’s visiting hours to your advantage

Visiting hours and rules at the hospital are a determinant factor when receiving visitors at the hospital. Parents should make sure to know what those are and coordinate visits accordingly. They can also use them to their advantage if they want to limit the time visitors are there. For example, if one day parents realize they are tired and would like to spend as much time alone as possible, they should ask the visitors of that day to come close to the end of visiting hours, which will allow the parents to know exactly how much time the visit will last.

Rules for visiting newborns at home

1. Limit visits for the first few days

After getting home, mom will need time to properly heal from the wounds of birth, and the entire new family will need time to adapt to being in their own home. There is a lot of help in the hospital, so it is a significant change. Parents should consider giving themselves time and space to make the transition.

2. Designate a place in your home for visits

Parents should determine a place of the house in advance where they will entertain guests when they come. That way, the designated place for visits can be spared from the chaos of the first days home with a newborn, and parents will not have extra work the day they receive visits by having to clean up.

3. Invite people on the same days and at the same hour

A routine is the best tool in the parent’s toolbox when adapting to a new life with a baby. If they choose the same days of the week and the same hours to entertain, visits will be more likely to seamlessly incorporate themselves into the schedule instead of disrupting it.

4. Communicate clearly to your guests when you would like them to leave

This might initially seem awkward to parents, but expectations must be aligned between them and their visitors. A good way to let visitors know until what time they are welcome is by telling not only at what time they are expected but also the range of time in which the visit will happen. For example, letting them know they are expected at 4 p.m. and also letting them know that the baby goes to bed at 6 p.m.

Visiting a Newborn: Do’s and Don'ts

Do’s

• Bring something to eat that can be shared during the visit,
• Wash your hands as soon as you arrive,
• Offer your help with concrete things that will not make the parents think you see them in need, like offering to walk the family’s dog or taking the trash out,
• Plan to be very punctual and call before leaving your house to double-check the parents are still able to receive you in their home or if something unexpected came up with the baby.

Don'ts

• Do not enter the room where the baby is without a face mask over your mouth and nose, and do not remove it until the parents let you know if they think it’s not necessary,
• Do not touch the baby unless the parents ask if you want to hold it or see it up close,
• Do not take pictures with or of the baby without asking the parents first if they are Ok with it,
• Do not stay past the hour the parents told you they needed to get the baby back to its routine,
• Do not visit a baby if you are not feeling well or if it has not been at least a week after the last day you felt bad.

How to say no to visitors

For new parents, telling friends and family they do not want them to visit their newborn can be very hard. Of course, they are family and friends, and no one wants them to feel unwanted. The best way to do it is to let them know they cannot come to visit yet, emphasizing the fact that it is a temporary restriction. Mentioning that it is only for the time it takes the new family to adjust to their new life will most likely be enough for your friends and family to understand that you just need some space for the time being. It won’t be long before you are ready to share your happiness with them!